seankempf.com

Inspiration

iceage — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 15:28:45 +0000

I’ve been rather sluggish as of late in wanting to post, code or write anything. But I feel that’s about to change. I have new inspiration and it has lit my mind up with that spark that I’ve been missing. So my latest project is a rewrite of an old desktop application called eSheep. eSheep serves no real purpose other then to be a cute little diversion from your daily computer routine. He/she sits on your desktop doing random sheep things and just generally distracting you with it’s cuteness. Why rewrite something like this? Well, there are actually a few reasons. One, Kelli loves sheep . Two, the original app is a 16bit application and as such, will not run on my 64bit version of Windows 7 which is what I run on all my systems. Also, it’s just a good challenge and the graphics are easily obtained from the net which leaves me only to code the behavior and display routines. So, off I go on my mission to bring eSheep to my current desktop. I’ll be posting my progress as I go along and hopefully will have something done in a week or two.

eSheep –

Wrap it up.

iceage — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 23:51:25 +0000

What a year. 2011 is winding down and I can’t say I’m sad to see it go. Things will finally be leveling out in my life which will be the greatest Christmas present I could ever wish for. In case you just got here by chance and don’t actually know what I’m talking about (which is unlikely since there are about 3 people that look at this blog and they are close friends/family) let me recap. I got divorced. Sold my home. Bought another house. All in the span of about 4 months. Now, I’ll explain what that actually means. Divorce = Complete change of everything in my life. Sold my home = Handed over the first “home” I’ve ever had to another person who now begins the process of making it HIS home. Bought another house = Pull everything out of my first home and shuttle it to my new (new as in different, since the house was built in the 1930′s, it’s not new house. I use the terms “home” and “house” this way because I believe a house can not be a home until it has been lived in for awhile by a person and experiences/memories have been developed in it. Now don’t get me wrong. I really like my new house. It has weird angled doors and steps that shouldn’t be where they are. It’s considered 1.5 stories because the second floor has slanted walls instead of full opened rooms. There’s one room upstairs that I have absolutely no clue what it is there for. It’s like a bunch of walls HAD to come together, so they just hung a door there and called it a room. All of these quirks seem like the architectural representations of me. I’m not standard. I have odd and strange rooms in my brain that I never knew why they were there before. But after everything I’ve went through this past year, I’m beginning to realize that it’s okay to open these rooms up and let their contents spill out as I start a new life. It’s time to explore all of the hidden places and gather up whatever I find waiting there. Then I can put it all to good use and make 2012 MY year.

Gears :: Written November 3, 2011

iceage — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 20:27:32 +0000

Individually nothing
Hubs with no purpose
Lack of contact rendering them useless
Only joined together
Do they become strong and complete
Each one driven by the actions of the others
A united machine ready to accomplish its goal

Mind Worms :: written October 22, 2011 by Jenna Nichole Dunmire

iceage — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 17:50:18 +0000

I don’t normally post the writings of others here. At least, I haven’t until now. A friend wrote this and it hooked me when I read it. My favorite line is, “minute after doubt, hour after fear, days after loathing.” It has a darkness that I can relate to and even through all the horrific imagery, there’s still the underlying fact that she’s fighting for a solution. No matter how weakened she is from the fight.

i am plagued by my thoughts, like a fatal infectious outbreak of disease. Flesh eating, soul diminishing fleas, leaving parasitic larva to gestate and hatch. Giving way to my hells new batch. minute after doubt, hour after fear, days after loathing. insanity reeking on my clothing. i rip and i tear i pull and i shed till nothing is residing but naked and Dead laying in this bed in dispair With a cancerous torment eating away at my uniqueness all day till theres but a speck of my existance trying to keep up resistance. my will to fight is goin and no knowin of a vaccine to make my mind once again clean sanatized and germ free.

Moving on…

iceage — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 16:33:13 +0000

Rough night. Migraine headache pushed me to a point that I hadn’t been to in a long time. Even have the gin blossoms today to prove it. But again, I made it through and was awakened to my cell phone and some great news. Laura (my realtor) told me that the inspection updates that I requested be made to my (soon to be) house were excepted with no problems. AND, the seller may try and work with us to allow me to start moving my things in so that the day of closing on my current house, I can take possession of then new one without having to try and shuffle things around. Very, very good news indeed as I was starting to think there might be a couple days where I was technically without a home. So, fingers crossed. Deep breaths. Hopefully smooth sailing from here on out.

When?

iceage — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 22:45:51 +0000

When it’s offered, it’s accepted
When it’s wanted, it’s withheld
When it’s used, it’s deceptive
When it’s expected, it’s repelled

The Dark Half

iceage — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 00:21:00 +0000

Another dark poem. I have found that the more I understand my darker self, the light in me is given more freedom. Balance, after all, can only exist when all parts are equal. This is true no matter the condition. Good/Evil. Light/Darkness. Happiness/Sadness. We can only truly appreciate one after we’ve experienced the other.

In morning light and breeze of day
The dark remains captive and kept at bay
But as the sun tires and retreats to its rest
Unleashed once more, is this uninvited guest
Its strength is like madness and chaos combined
Replacing all sanity that once lived inside
The first feeling is terror soon followed by dread
Pushing past the limits, until all hope is dead
But then comes acceptance and with it relief
An understanding of anger that lessens the grief
So now when sunlight dwindles and fades back out of sight
A smile will curl across my lips as the dark consumes the light

Another song.

iceage — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 18:36:25 +0000

Here’s another example of very well written lyrics. The music by this band is currently some of my favorite stuff. Doesn’t hurt that the singer is smoking hot either.

Mechanical Love by In This Moment from the album, The Dream.

I remember you that night
Standing in the rain
Your black stare
Your black eyes
I remember what you said
Before I turned away
My heart died
Your sweetest lies

And if I saw you bleed
I’d stay here till the end
But you can’t change for me

And I, And I, know you’ll
never understand me
No matter how hard we try
And I, And I, know I’ll never understand you
And your mechanical love

I still hear you in my sleep
Your running through my veins
Your whispers, your machine
We knew it was meant to be
But never meant to last
I’m sorry, you always knew

And if I saw you bleed
I’d stay here till the end
But you can’t change for me

Possession – Sarah McLachlan

iceage — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 04:32:01 +0000

It’s not often that I like to just repeat someone else’s words but the lyrics to this song are so incredibly deep and accurate that I just had to type them out so that I could think about each verse in more depth then one can when just listening to the song. If you’ve never listened to any of Sarah McLachlan’s music, it is something I HIGHLY recommend. Her first three albums are phenomenal works both musically and lyrically. Take time and read through each line. Each word is so carefully chosen to create the most powerful phrases of any song I’ve ever heard.

Listen as the wind blows, from across the great divide.

Voices trapt in yearning. Memories trapt in time.

The night is my companion, and solitude my guide.

Would I spend forever here, and not be satisfied?

And I would be the one to hold you down

Kiss you so hard

I’ll take your breath away

And after I, wipe away the tears

Just close your eyes dear.

Through this world I stumble, so many times betrayed.

Trying to find an honest word, to find the truth enslaved.

Oh you speak to me in riddles and you speak to me in rymes

My body aches to breath your breath, your words keep me alive.

And I would be the one, to hold you down.

Kiss you so hard

I’ll take you breath away

And after I, wipe away the tears

Just close your eyes dear.

Into this night I wonder

It’s morning that I dread.

Another day of knowing of the path I fear to tread.

Into the sea of waking dreams, I follow without pride.

‘Cause nothing stands between us here

And I won’t be denied.

And I would be the one, to hold you down.

Kiss you so hard

I’ll take your breath away

And after I, wipe away the tears

Just close your eyes.

And here’s a great live performance of the song.

Love and Loss (20 years later) :: written October 1, 2011

iceage — Sat, 01 Oct 2011 13:50:16 +0000

Memories nurtured with fondness and love

Can not overcome walls that tower so high above

What once was a heart so open and free

Is now a steel Fortress locked tight with no key

This Fortress was built buy demons disguised as men

Reinforced by constant acts of cruelty, lies and sin

Any attempt to breach the Fortress seems to end the same

Shot down with deadly accuracy, with no ground ever gained

But even though the Fortress stands, a beacon of hate and rage

Deep inside is an Angel’s heart locked away in a dark cold cage

This Angel’s heart still shines with light so warm and pure and kind

It only needs the smallest crack for it’s light to break free of it’s bind

In time the cage could weaken allowing the Angel’s heart to flee

To be free of all past burdens, and shine again for the world to see

This was written for a dear friend that I hope one day will allow herself to let her guard down and trust others without the fear of being hurt again. She deserves a life of love and happiness. To be respected and admired for her beauty and strength. I wish for her all of this, so that she can once again see herself as I still do.